Headlines...
Say It In Plain English

By Rich Harshaw

The first way to write a good headline is to simply say what you're trying to say in plain English. Here's how easy it is: just sit down with a pen and paper, or on a computer, and condense your message down into one simple idea that captures the idea of what you're trying to communicate. Just put it all in one powerful sentence. I'll give you some examples to illustrate. Here's one:

Take for example a company who created a computer training course that could be taken via video or CD-Rom. This would save the student from having to go thru the inconvenience of actually attending a class, plus, they claimed that the training was actually more effective than classroom training. Here is a headline that simply sums that up:

"How to cram eight hours of classroom computer training into one easy 75-minute session...at your home or office." See that? There just isn't any better way to say that than just saying what the benefits of the offer were. Notice that some of the words in there that help paint the mental pictures in the listener or reader's head. The first important word is CRAM. How to cram eight hours of classroom training. Doesn't that word cram just explode color on your mental palette? The second important word is EASY. Into one easy 75-minute session. Some people might consider CD-Rom training to be difficult. But they now know, right up front, in the headline, that it's easy. The third important thing is the difference in time from 8 hours to 75 minutes. That's a pretty big difference in time; wouldn't you say it's would be pretty impressive to be able to do something that normally takes eight hours in just 75 minutes?  They used use all this to their advantage in the headline. By the way, do you think you could write the body copy for the rest of this advertisement with just a little bit more information? Of course you could.

Here is another plain English headline for a service that files electronic medical claims for doctors. I don't know if you are familiar with this industry, but doctors lose a lot of money every year because they don't have the time or expertise to jump through all the ridiculous hoops that insurance companies make them deal with to get insurance claims paid. If a doctor would outsource the service to this company, they could recover a lot of money that would otherwise be lost to the insurance companies. Here is a headline that clearly gets that point across: "Doctors: put an easy $341,450 in your pocket every 12 months...without doing anything more than you're doing right now." What has been accomplished with this headline? A lot. First, they've qualified the prospects, doctors. Second, they've made a big huge promise: stick some extra cash in your pocket if you're a doctor. Third, another promise: put a lot of money in your pocket in a short amount of time. Fourth, another promise: put a specific, big amount of money in your pocket. Fifth, they've promised them that they won't have to do anything for the money. And did you hear that word easy sneak in there again? They have run that ad all over the country, and the thousands of doctors that respond to it confirm that it is indeed an attractive headline.

How about one more headline from the "just say it in plain English" category. "New intranet connects your employees, customers, field reps, vendors, and remote locations...all as if they were in adjoining offices." Again, there is a big promise and they do it by just simply telling them what the deal is. This headline was written in the early days of the Internet when most people hadn't heard of an "intranet." When it is stated in plain English, however, everyone can understand the concept.

The point is, you don't have to be a creative guru to think up good headlines. You don't have to have some advertising degree from a fancy college or work for a company with a Madison Avenue address. You don't have be the world's most wonderful writer or have a lot of experience. Just say what you're trying to communicate in good, concise, well-articulated, plain English.

Here's another example of a video production company. The reason most companies charged so much money to produce a corporate video was because they had sunk large amounts of money into equipment, usually 3 or more years ago. Now the problem with that was the expensive computers and cameras that these companies had bought three or more years ago had come down in price significantly recently. So it was feasible that a company could have new equipment that was better and cheaper than some of their more established competitors. That would allow them to charge less than their competitors and still make a profit. So here's the plain English headline that came out of all this: "The cost of producing quality corporate videos has fallen by 64% over the last five years... but most video production companies are still clinging to and charging you 1992 prices." Now that's kind of a long headline, but if the second step to powerful communications is "Saying It Well," you can't say it much better than that. 

Let's pick a few words out that are interesting. First of all, 64%. How did they know 64%? They just estimated and guessed. Do you really think that anyone who's going to buy a corporate video can dispute whether or not it's 64%?  How about the use of five years and 1992? This ad was written in 1997, so the time frame, five years, seemed believable to the reader. Have you ever bought a computer, only to find out that 6 or 12 months later you could buy one twice as good, twice as fast, twice as good - for half the money? Of course, everyone can identify with that, so they see that in this headline that this same phenomenon applies to something else hi-tech, like producing a video, they get immediate mental buy-in. Now, how about the phrase "clinging to and charging you"?  Again, it splashes color on the mental palette.

Think for a minute what kind of crummy headline your average video production company might have used instead of the powerhouse, suck-them-in-and-make-them-want-to buy headline we just reviewed. Here's one real example; it's a print ad about 7 inches tall by about 5 inches wide. The top two and half inches have a framed painting of some sort; you can't tell what's actually on the painting, you can just tell that it's a painting. Underneath it are the two words, "post modern." Right under that is a picture of what appears to be a television screen that has what would appear to be a corporate logo of some type. I can't tell what the logo is or what company it's for, but it sort of looks like an exclamation point. Underneath it are the words, "Post Production." Then there's the two-line copy, "Think of Showcase Digital Productions as the perfect canvas for your production concepts. If you can picture it in your mind, we've got what it takes to make it happen."  What exactly is that? A painting and a television. Post Modern and post production?  This ad is a big flop.  At the time, the ad was only two weeks into a 52-week campaign, so the company said it was too early to tell if it works. But at that point the ad had, in two weeks, generated a grand total of ZERO calls. That's right ZERO. That ad costs $655 a week, or $34,060 for the entire 52 week run. $34 thousand dollars! Just think how much more effectively that $34 thousand dollars could have been spent.

Let's cover one more headline written in plain English. This is commercial real estate brokerage company that had a difficult time finding good salespeople. Pretty common problem, right? They had to examine why would a salesperson want to sell for his company over any other company. The owner of the company said, "It's simple: I spend a lot of money to generate a ton of leads for commercial leases, and I give them to my salespeople to work them. In most companies, the salesperson spends at least half his time cold calling. But my people only spend maybe 10 to 20% of their time cold calling. Then, because they're spending more time selling and less time prospecting, they MAKE MORE MONEY!"

He had planned to advertise in the local Business Journal's annual Book of Lists. The Book of Lists is a yearly listing of a given area's biggest companies in every imaginable industry. The 25 biggest healthcare companies, the 25 biggest ad agencies, the 25 biggest printing companies, and so forth. He felt that he should advertise there because salespeople would frequently use the Book of Lists as a prospecting list. What better way to find the biggest companies in all these different fields to sell them something, right? After struggling with trying to find the perfect headline, they finally decided to say it in plain English: "If You're Reading This Ad, There's A Good Chance That You're Cold Calling Companies From This Book Trying To Sell Them Something. Ever Consider A Sales Job Where They Provide The Leads For You?" Then they put a high, yet believable income figure in the ad of $58,540. Not too high to make people skeptical and not too low to turn people off. The ad was a smashing success.

The methodology is really simple. You need to build a case in your ad for what you are trying to promote, and in that case identifying the things that are most important to your customer. Those are your sales arguments. Those are the things that you want to promote. Those are the things that comprise your company's inside reality. Once you've got that information, the points of your case, just articulate your offer and your sales advantages in plain English and you'll be writing powerful headlines that sell in no time.

Have a mental block and can't decide where to start when it comes to writing headlines? 
Don't miss your next issue: "Headline Starters"

© 2005 Rich Harshaw ∙ May Not Be Used Without Permission